Do you know anybody that you consider to be particularly engaging and lively? Take a moment to picture that person in your mind. What is it about that person that you find most attractive?

He or she may have a charming voice and a great laugh, but it is also very likely that you find their face very expressive. That person is probably quick to smile and laugh and seems to always have a twinkle in their eye.

A face that never shows any emotion, and never smiles is not very appealing. No matter how attractive or how plain a person’s facial features may be, a great smile can make that person look beautiful to others.

When you smile at other people, they will assume that you are in a good mood and that you are happy to see them. This will make other people more likely to want to spend time with you and to know you better.

Allowing our face to show emotions is actually an advantage in developing relationships. Other people are constantly trying to read and respond to our body language and facial expressions, often on a subconscious level.

They are trying to sense whether we really care about them or not, whether we are concerned with what is going on in their lives.

If you are a person who is very emotionally sensitive, this sensitivity can be an asset in forming relationships. Use your sensitivity to show empathy for other people. Don’t suppress your emotions, trying to be “cool”.

Don’t waste your sensitive nature being sensitive only to yourself and your own emotions. Imagine being in the shoes of the person you are talking with, and let yourself feel the sadness, happiness, excitement or pride that is present in the story they are telling you.

If we repress all our emotions from showing on our face, people will feel frustrated trying to get a sense of who we really are.

When we let our emotions show up on our face, sharing in our conversation partner’s joys and sorrows, worries and frustrations, as well as their hope and excitement, both of us feel less alone. Both people will feel more connected to each other.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” If you want to improve your social life, download it today at http://www.royanereal.com

Popularity: 12% [?]

Researchers have discovered that one of the most striking differences between people who are socially confident and those who are shy, is that confident people have much more frequent eye contact with their conversational partners.

Many shy people never make eye contact at all, tending to look downward or away, instead of looking at their conversation partner’s face.

Most North Americans, especially Caucasians, prefer to have a lot of eye contact when they are talking with someone. When a person doesn’t make eye contact with them, North Americans tend to assume that person is hiding something.

When you are speaking with someone who is from a culture that prefers a lot of eye contact, be sure to keep looking at that person frequently while you are talking, even while you are wondering what to say next.

You don’t need to use a piercing stare, a friendly gaze will do.

If it really bothers you to look directly into another person’s eyes, you can look at the person’s face without focusing solely on the eyes.

If you gaze generally at the eyebrow area or the bridge of the nose, this is close enough to the eye region that you will appear to be looking at the person’s eyes. You may find that it eases your own discomfort if you let your vision go slightly out of focus.

Whenever you are in conversation with someone, keep the majority of your focus on the other person.

If you glance around the room too much, or look too frequently at other people, your conversation partner may assume that you are bored, or that you are looking around for someone else you would rather talk with.

If you have difficulty knowing exactly how to make eye contact, you can benefit from practicing in front of a mirror, or with another person.

While some people have difficulty maintaining eye contact during conversations, others have the opposite problem.

They stare too intently into other people’s eyes when they are talking to them, often making their conversation partners feel very uncomfortable. It can be very unpleasant to be on the receiving end of an intense stare, particularly at close range.

In many animals, the use of staring is part of a power struggle to determine which animal is dominant over the other. In humans too, a struggle for dominance over another can often be signaled by a staring contest.

Avoid intense, prolonged staring into another person’s eyes, except in very rare situations.

Although some people use staring intently as a deliberate tactic to intimidate others, not all people who stare piercingly at others mean it as an act of aggression or dominance.

Some people who stare very intently into the eyes of others are quite unaware of the negative impression they are creating.

If it has been your habit to stare intently into the eyes of other people without looking away, you may have been making your conversation partners very uncomfortable.

You can lighten the impression you are making by smiling more often, nodding, and by gazing at the entire face as well as the eyes. In addition, you can frequently glance away for brief periods.

Not all cultures approve of a lot of eye contact. In many cultures around the world, averting your eyes and keeping them lowered is considered the polite, desirable thing to do.

In North America, people of African American and First Nations origin usually prefer to make far less eye contact than Caucasians do.

If you are dealing with someone who has different cultural practices than what you are used to, make an effort to be sensitive to the expectations of the other person if you want to have a smooth relationship.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” If you want to improve your social life, download it today at http://www.royanereal.com

Popularity: 11% [?]

Did you know that you are always communicating to others, even if you don’t say a word?

How does this happen? Your facial expressions, your gestures, your posture, and even the way you breathe are ways that your body is in constant communication with others.

We call this type of communication “body language” and body language experts claim that only 7% of your communication is done through the words you say.

The other 93% is communicated through your body.

Are you surprised to learn just how much you can communicate to other people, even when you don’t say a single word? What sorts of messages does your body language usually send to others? Does your body language encourage other people to approach you? Or do you frighten them away?

If you usually stand or sit with your arms folded across your chest, do you think this posture encourages others to come and talk to you?

Most people will interpret your arms crossed in front of your chest as a signal that you don’t want anyone to approach you. Only the bravest souls are likely to come forward when you adopt this posture.

If you stand awkwardly, with your chest slumped forward, your shoulders drooping, and your eyes avoiding everyone else, people are likely to decide you are very depressed or completely lacking in confidence.

They may fear that trying to talk with you will be an awkward experience because you do not project any sign that you are confident in yourself, or that you have any interest in the people around you.

No matter how desperately you want someone to come over and befriend you, if your body language projects awkwardness or disinterest in others, it’s not very likely that many people will try to start a conversation with you.

If there are body language signals that can frighten people away, are there signals that will encourage people to come forward and approach you?

Yes, there are measures you can take to increase the perception that you are open, approachable and non-threatening. You can practice these gestures in front of a mirror in the privacy of your own home until you are able to easily project the look of a person who is friendly, confident, and approachable.

Whether you are sitting or standing, aim for a posture that is upright and alert, yet relaxed. If you notice that your chest or shoulders are slumping, straighten up.

Become aware of the way you are breathing. Does your breath move in and out smoothly? Or does it move with jerky little stops and starts? If you notice that you are holding your breath, or breathing in a jerky manner, this is a sign of anxiety.

If you are breathing shallowly, using only the top part of your chest, you are not taking in enough air. When you breathe shallowly, you have to breathe more frequently, which can increase your appearance of nervousness. Use your abdomen to help you breathe smoothly and deeply in a relaxed manner. Let the bottom part of your lungs fill up with air as well as the top.

What are you doing with your hands? If you get nervous in social situations, you may feel that no matter what you do with your hands, it’s the wrong thing.

Many people who cross their arms in front of their chest are probably doing so at least in part because they don’t know where else to put their hands.

Don’t cross your arms in front of your chest unless you really don’t want anybody to approach you. That is the message this gesture sends out. If you want to look more open and approachable, keep your arms to your sides, or put one hand in your pocket.

If you want to hold something in one hand, keep your hand at the side of your body, not in front of you. Holding your arm in front of your body can send a subtle signal that you want to defend yourself against the approach of others.

What sort of facial expression should you have if you want people to approach you? In most cases, a gentle, pleasant smile should do the trick. Too much of a smile that never softens can look forced and nervous.

A pleasant smile with a twinkle in your eyes will help to convey the impression that chatting with you will be a pleasant experience.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” If you want to improve your social life, download it today at http://www.royanereal.com

Popularity: 12% [?]

A few years ago a surprising survey discovered that people who spent a lot of time on the Internet were a lot lonelier than people who didn’t spend much time on the Net.

This was an unexpected find because many people view the Internet and e-mail as a great way to make and keep connections with other people.

So what is the truth? Does spending time on the Internet actually make people more lonely?
Or did this study simply show that people who are already lonely spend a lot of time on the Net?

As happens so often, the technology itself is neutral; whether it is good or bad depends on how the technology is used.

The day can fly by very quickly when you spend time on the Internet, whether you are looking for information, or visiting a chat room. Using the Internet, you can easily find people who share the same obscure interests you may have, such as raising Abyssinian cats, or studying Florentine tapestries.

Through the Internet you can find another person who is struggling with an illness or problem similar to yours, and who understands exactly what you are going through.

The vastness and the speed of the Internet means you can hook up instantly with people on the other side of the world and have lengthy conversations with them about intimate matters you have never discussed with anyone else.

The anonymity of the Internet can be a double-edged sword. You can feel safe revealing your innermost self to a total stranger because he lives five thousand miles away and you will probably never meet him.

You might believe you can tell him your innermost thoughts, even those you can’t tell your husband. You may feel encouraged and supported by a person you have met on-line in a way that you don’t believe you are supported by any of the people in your everyday life.

Your Internet friends may find it easy to offer you support and encouragement because they will never have to back up their typed words with any real action or commitment. Talk is cheap, and supportive talk on the Internet may or may not be sincerely offered.

It’s true that some relationships that start off on the Internet will develop into long term on-line friendships that last decades, even if the two correspondents never meet in person.

And in some cases these on-line relationships will also successfully transform into friendships in the off-line world.

But the kind of interaction you get on the Internet lacks some of the most important aspects of a friendship–the interaction with a real live human person. You don’t get to experience a friend’s face light up with a smile because he is happy to see you.

You don’t get to take part in shared activities, and develop a history together. You don’t have someone put their hand on yours as you exchange confidences. You don’t even know that your Internet friend is really who he claims he is!

You don’t know beyond a shadow of a doubt that anything your on-line friend says about himself is true.

Although the Internet is a unique and useful means of communication between people, don’t use it as a complete substitute for live social contact.

Balance your on-line activities with activities that involve meeting and interacting with real live people in your local community.

Don’t use the availability and ease of Internet relationships as an excuse to avoid some of the more difficult, yet ultimately more rewarding work of developing relationships with the people you already have around you.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want - Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends and Keeping Friends” If you want to improve your social life, download it today at http://www.royanereal.com

Popularity: 12% [?]

Do you feel stressed out?

If you live in the early part of the twenty-first century, chances are that your life is full of pressures, and you feel a lot of stress.

Many of us are stressed for money, and pressed for time. We are often sleeping too little, eating the wrong foods, drinking too much coffee, smoking too many cigarettes, juggling too many responsibilities, facing impossible deadlines, and exposed to a lot of chemical and noise pollution.

What is Stress Exactly?

The stress response is the body’s reaction to a perceived threat. Your body is automatically programmed to become instantly more alert, more powerful and fast moving whenever a situation of potential danger arises.

You are ready for action. Your thinking can become totally focussed and clear. Your body is instantly prepared to take action in a dangerous situation such as a fire or an accident, or an attack by a wild animal or a mugger.

During an acutely dangerous situation you will breathe much more deeply and quickly, taking in far more oxygen than usual. Your heart will be pounding in your chest. Your blood pressure will rise. You will have much higher levels of glucose in your blood in order to fuel your muscles.

These changes happen so that the major muscle groups in your body have the oxygen and blood sugar they need to enable you to fight, move heavy objects, or to swiftly run away.

For thousands of years this built-in physical response to danger has come in handy. In the past, most threats to humans were of an immediate physical nature.

If you had to fight off a marauding bear or run from a forest fire, the changes in your body chemistry would give you a chance to survive the emergency. The chemicals released into your body would give you the strength to fight, move heavy objects, or to swiftly run for your life.

This bodily reaction is sometimes called the “fight or flight response”. This is an ancient, primitive, and very powerful way that our bodies react to danger.

The fight or flight response still operates in us today. That powerful adrenaline rush still does its job, making us ready to take on dangerous situations.

Most of the time however, the stressors we face in modern life are not physical, but psychological in origin, and are long term rather than short term.

You may have a boss who constantly belittles you at work, or a mortgage payment due when you have just lost your job.

A small amount of occasional short-term stress can actually be good for you. You will feel more alert, focused, and energized to take on a challenge.

If the stress seems to go on and on, such as in a war or a bad marriage, or when facing long term financial problems or illness, your brain perceives the threat as never-ending and orders the release of a chemical called cortisol.

Cortisol locks in the stress response reaction, keeping your body systems in a constant state of high alert.

Long-term high levels of cortisol interfere with blood sugar metabolism, increase blood pressure, cause insomnia, irritability, depression, and decreased amounts of norepinephrine in the frontal lobes. Long-term stress can even lead to the eventual death of brain cells.

In one study, students with chronic high levels of cortisol scored 13% lower on IQ tests than a control group.

Many people today have lives that are so tightly scheduled with important commitments that they literally have no time to relax and unwind. After living for many months in a permanent state of high tension, these people may forget what it’s like to relax. They feel guilty or anxious whenever they have unscheduled time.

The body is not designed to live in a state of high alert permanently. Sooner or later the body’s internal systems will start to break down.

One important way to reduce stress is to change the way we think about upsetting situations.

If we react to every negative event, large or small, as if it is a catastrophe, we will be exaggerating the magnitude of many events that are not really serious. We will be throwing our body systems into a state of high alert for trivial reasons.

If we have a habit of telling ourselves every time something bad happens, “This always happens to me”, or, “Nothing ever goes right for me”, we condemn ourselves to a chronic over-production of stress chemicals.

During times of stress, turning for help to a
supportive friend can be very helpful. Or you might want to see a therapist.

People who have a strong emotional support system are better able to handle stressful situations than those who don’t have support from others.

Develop a circle of supportive friends you can rely on. Even pets can help relieve stress in their owners, perhaps because of their unconditional love.

When you are going through very stressful periods, remember to make time for yourself to relax and unwind.

Be sure to eat nutritious foods, drink lots of water and breathe clean air.

Take a walk or get some physical exercise everyday.

And remember to quiet your mind with prayer or meditation.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to learn how to make your brain work better, download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 11% [?]

Nature vs Nurture theories have wasted a lot of energy of human beings. Plato is considered first to realize that you are made of not only flesh but also an intellectual soul.

The issue may be much older…

In Greek Mythology, when gods created man, they endowed him with divinity. However, the man started challenging them. They feared his potentials and decided to deprive him of the might.

“Where to hide the divinity?” was the big question

They considered heights of icy mountains, limits of shining stars and pits of the earth. But every place was accessible to man’s capabilities.

Then they decided to hide it within the man himself.

Since then the man has been climbing icy mountains. He has navigated deep seas. He has traversed moon. His machines have even touched Mars. But he is still looking for his `lost paradise’.

Man, it is inside you!

They call it personality now. It is `scientific’ to ask how it comes into being. Is it inheritable? Is it natural? Is it outcome of environment? Have you any will to change your behaviors or you are bound to follow the dictates?

Nature vs Nurture theories focus upon these issues. The new discoveries in genome and quantum physics have revived the debate. Incidentally, more they discover, more they bewilder. The abstraction continues intensifying.

How to Define Nature VS Nurture Theories
—————————————————

There are three distinctive schools of thought.

1- Personality is Natural:

This group believes that your personality is result of evolutionary process. You inherit behaviors due to complex interaction of genes. They control your behaviors. So you don’t have a free will to act otherwise.

2- Personality is Nurtured:

This group argues that you don’t get your personality inherited. Your mind is a blank slate at your birth. It is your environment, education and culture that make up your behaviors. There are differences on the issue of `free will’ to change your behaviors.

3- Personality is Spiritual:

This group claims that your personality is result of neither nature nor nurture. It is gift of some deity. They are split on the issue of `free will’.

Nature VS Nurture Theories and Evolutionary Psychology
——————————————————————
Darwin’s theory of evolution led William Hamilton, George Williams and many others to the idea of personality evolution. They proposed that like physical organs, your personality is result of natural selection for survival of the fittest. You do as your genes dictate.

They suggest that fear of death, fear of injury, fear of snakes, shyness, addiction, criminality and sexual orientation are main examples of inheritable behaviors. Steven Pinker (2004) includes religiousness, liberalism and conservativeness in the list. William Paley considers cognitive capabilities, temperaments and cheating behaviors inheritable.

However, there is strong criticism on this approach.

1- There is no single universal behavior which can be proved evolutionary. Even fear of death, that seems natural to all, is overridden in crusades, suicides and suicide bombings.

2- You are made of 25,000 to 30,000 genes. They are merely twice to the number in a fruit fly. Chimpanzees share 95% of your genetic characteristics. However, they don’t share even 10% of your behaviors.

3- People don’t differ in behaviors as they do differ in skin pigments. Extroverts, introverts, optimists, pessimists, criminals, liberals etc are found in all societies and cultures. Even identical twins (with 100% similar genes) and fraternal twins (with 50% similar genes) behave differently in most of the cases.

4- No genome scientist has related genes or a set of genes with any kind of behaviors.

5- There are a good number of living organisms and fossils which suggest intermediary stages to the physical evolution. However, no such intermediary stages are available for personality evolution.

Nature VS Nurture Theories and Physics
———————————————

The discoveries in physics have always provided new meat to the nature vs nurture theories. The conclusions of Newton and Einstein helped the people to believe that future events can be predicted with the help of true knowledge of matter and natural laws. This led psychologists to suggest that your future behaviors can be predetermined. The whole mechanism of psychometrics follows this hypothesis.

However, quantum physics has changed the situation altogether. Evidence proves that you can’t make two (almost) simultaneous measurements of observables correctly. For example:

1- Position and momentum of a particle

2- Position and direction of a particle

3- Time and frequency of a sound wave

4- Wavelength and magnitude of a sound wave

The list goes on…

The quantum physics has shaken determinism. So much so the scientists have to devise “Heisenberg uncertainty principle” which challenges that any physical event can be predicted precisely in time and space.

Do you think that particles are too small to affect big events?

Reconsider it.

What would happen if Hitler had died in his young age of cancer, which can occur with a slight genetic mutation?

Nature VS Nurture Theories and Reality
——————————————–

“What was the first cause?” Aristotle had asked centuries before

It has been proved that the universe is not result of infinite series of collaborating causes and events. There was a first event; the big bang just 13.7 billions year ago. What was its cause?

There can be only two answers:

1- There was no preceding cause, or

2- There was a first Causer

When you affirm the first statement, you agree that there might be other events which don’t have preceding causes. The birth of personality is one of them.

However, if you agree with the second statement, then you are siding with the spiritual school of thought.

What About Environment?
———————

It plays very important role in making of your behaviors. However, any behavior that you acquire is amendable. Secondly, it is not only environment that influences you, the vice versa is also true. You can count hundreds of names who influenced their environments, cultures and societies.

The best advice is to believe in your personality. Use your free will to develop and refine your behaviors. Utilize all out capabilities to collect small successes daily to build bigger one in future. Your way of thinking and style of doing shall determine your destination.

Meanwhile, let the counsels of nature vs nurture theories to continue with their confusing debates.

bio = Psychometrics? Some believe in them and others reject them altogether. However, reality lies in between. Saqib Ali Ateel unlocks secrets of personality, intelligence, aptitude and testing at http://www.personality-and-aptitude-career-tests.com/art

Popularity: 10% [?]

It is commonly believed myth that personality testing instruments can measure your personality and predict your future behaviors. The pre-employment testing mechanism has been following this creed without any solid evidence. The testing industry claims all out validity. The educational institutions and employer organizations use them for screening purposes. Their transparency and equity has even convinced the courts of law.

But it is still an unresolved riddle; what do they test?

Do they test personality? What is personality then? What is its nature? How does it come into existence? Is it outcome of evolution? Does matter has capability to generate a personality? Why animals don’t have a personality? Does it remain the same during whole of your life? And many more questions.

It is like peeling off an onion. Every strip leads to many more. Finally you get a heap of onion strips. Where is the onion?

But personality is not an onion.

Allport has recorded hundreds of different definitions. Most of the psychologists equate it to your style, behaviors and reactions. They have devised instruments to measure these main areas. The collected data about your behaviors and temperaments help them to decide your career. You may organize your behaviors in future but you may never be able to go for a career of your passion.

Why?

Experts like to predict. They predict weather. They predict political situations. They predict economic conditions. They predict your future with signs, numbers, cards or palms. And they predict your future performance with the help of personality testing instruments.

What’s Your Personality?
———————–

It is well recognized fact that every human being has a personality. It is not merely your physical body. It is not merely your consciousness. It is not merely your ego. It is not merely your behaviors. It is not merely your physical expression. It is not merely your style. It is not merely your temperament.

But they all and many other characteristics are expressions of your personality.

I don’t find it wise to define personality. Admittedly it is an abstract reality. You get it with your birth. You can either develop it or disintegrate. Your style, behaviors and reactions are expressions of your developed, undeveloped or under-developed personality.

How do you look? How do you react? How do you talk? How do you live? How do you think? They all are expressions of your personality. The psychometrics measures these expressions and not your personality.

The abstract nature of personality can neither be measured nor be analyzed with any scientific or non-scientific tool. It can only be visualized. It can be developed. It can be disintegrated. Your thinking and doing makes all out the difference. A developed personality gives better style, behaviors and reactions than an undeveloped one.

Why Psychometrics are Getting Popular?
—————————————

The very first reason is that every one wants to know who he is.

But bigger reason of their massive use is just a desire of the employers to avoid bad-hire. They get hundreds of applications for a single situation. They are the only available tools to avoid idiosyncrasies.

They don’t have alternatives for psychometrics.

Tests are going to stay. Whether you are trying to be admitted for a specific discipline or looking for your dream job, you are going to encounter psychometrics at one stage or the others. You need to prepare before encountering them.

How to Prepare for Personality Testing Sessions?
———————————————–

Keep in mind.

Personality is an amazing entity. You can think. You can visualize. You can discover. You can express. You can plan. You can create. You have unlimited hidden potentials. But your selected options on paper are going to decide your future.

You should practice offline and online personality tests before encountering a real session. Your practice shall not only make them familiar to you but also generate a list of your strengths and weaknesses. You can improve them with your conscious effort.

However, it is much more important to learn how different personality and aptitude tests measure expressions of your personality. What theories are working behind them? How do they relate different jobs with different types? This knowledge shall make it a lot easier to encounter psychometrics.
bio = Psychometrics? Some believe in them and others reject. Reality lies in between. Saqib Ali Ateel dedicates his website http://www.personality-and-aptitude-career-tests.com/art to help you to encounter psychometrics.

Popularity: 9% [?]

45 year old Judy revealed in an anger management class that she was constantly angry at her husband. When asked why, she revealed that her aged mother lives next door and she always felt conflicted whether to spend time with her husband or her mother after work.

She loved them both, but resented her husband’s becoming demanding and upset when she spent needed time with her mother instead of being with him. Judy revealed that she dealt with the situation by ignoring her husband when he expressed displeasure - with disastrous results. These included constant bickering and tension in the home as well as emotional distance from each other.

How much better the outcome would have been had Judy used basic skills of assertive communication.

What is assertive communication?

It is a way to communicate to your family your rights, feelings and needs- but in a good way. It is a method of letting family members know where you stand on things and what your limits and boundaries are.

Assertive communication allows you to clarify communication and stand up for yourself without making things worse or getting a negative result or response from your loved ones.

Four Steps to Assertive Communication:

Step 1- Send clear messages

Turns out Judy had never clearly told her husband how she felt when he put pressure on her to spend time with him instead of her mother. When she did discuss it, she hemmed, hawed and stammered with almost no eye contact.

As a result her husband was not getting a clear message. To communicate clearly, look at your posture and your facial expressions, as well as your hand and arm movements. Pay special attention to your tone of voice which can say volumes beyond your words.

Step 2 - Learn how to listen

Assertive people have developed their listening skills. While hearing is done with your ears, true listening is done with your heart. To be a better communicator, start by becoming a better listener.

Step 3 - Start the conversation with “I feel” rather than “you should.”

Words have tremendous power to determine how other people experience us, and how they respond to an issue.

For this reason, people with good assertive communication skills focus on the problem behavior (and not the character of the person), stick to the point, don’t use labels, and make “I” statements rather than “you” statements.

Judy tried this with her husband and it worked very well. Here is what she said: “Honey, I love you and want to be with you, but I also need to be with my mother now. Could you get along without me for a hour a night? I’ll try to always be back by 8:30 PM.”

Step 4 - Acknowledge your part in the conflict or issue

Anger is often an escalating process, involving two people who create a negative feeling in each other, sometimes instantly and sometimes over a long period of time.

It is natural to blame another family member entirely for the problem, especially when we are angry or in a defensive mode.

But, once we return to normal, the assertive communicator is able to accept some of the responsibility for the conflict. This acceptance and acknowledgement of your contribution to the problem is an indication of emotional maturity and can create an entirely different atmosphere between conflicting family members.

Try saying the following things to promote communication:

- My reactions were too extreme. I’m sorry. - Even though I still feel I was right about the issue, my reaction wasn’t right and I apologize. - I never thought of things that way. - Let me start again in a different way. - I can see my part in all this.

To Judy’s delight, when she practiced saying some of these things to her husband in a loving way, he began changing too. Almost immediately, he became less demanding, more understanding, and more aligned with her so both of them could better care for her aging mother.

2005 c Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
bio = Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming The Anger Bee” at www.angercoach.com

Popularity: 5% [?]

Jim, a 42-year old engineer was teaching his eight-year-old son how to fly a radio-controlled airplane. As the airplane was taking off, Jim instructed his son to push the control stick on the radio to the right. He did and the airplane turned to the right.

This was repeated several more times until the airplane turned full circle toward the son, ready to land. “Push the stick to the right,” said Jim. This time, however, the plane turned left. “Push the stick left,” Jim said. Now the plane turned right, as if it suddenly had a mind of its own.

“I’m confused,” said the son. “How do I know which way to push the stick when the plane behaves differently depending on if it’s flying away from me or toward me?”

“It’s simple,” said Jim. “Simply imagine you’re in the plane and push the stick accordingly.” This cured the problem.

What a great lesson in empathy - the ability to experience the world from another perspective, often the perspective of another person.

As an anonymous English author wrote: “To empathize is to see with the eyes of another, to hear with the ears of another, and to feel with the heart of another.”

Why is empathy important? The real world bottom line is that lack of empathy leads to poor communication and a failing to understand others. Lack of empathy leads to all sorts of problems in our world. Nations go to war, people are killed, couples divorce - all for a lack of empathy and understanding.

It is natural to become angry when frustrated or irritated with people who do or say things at variance with our worldview.

To manage anger, it often helps to see our anger as a combination of their behavior and our lack of empathy. While we cannot control other’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors, we most certainly can increase our empathy skills.

To control our anger with increased empathy, three basic skills are required: listening, self-awareness and acceptance.

Empathic listening is a type of listening that goes further than ordinary listening. This type of listening uses another person’s point of view to see the world as others see it. It provides a higher level of understanding of how others feel.

Self-awareness occurs as you better understand your own thoughts and feelings. You are then better able to understand the thoughts and feelings of someone else. The more open we are to our own feelings, the more skilled we become at reading someone else’s feelings, and generally the less angry we feel toward them.

Acceptance, on the other hand, is the ability to see that others have a right to their “ridiculous” feelings. We must allow people to have feelings without telling them how they should feel. W cannot stop others from having feelings.

Empathic people understand that feelings are difficult to control. When we accept others as they are, it simply means that we understand that they are doing the best they can at the time. Remember, if they could do any better, they probably would.

Acceptance of others’ feelings is not easy when people act differently than we do. We all have difficulty with those who are different. By learning the skill of empathy, we will be better able to understand ourselves and others.

Here are five simple rules to be more empathetic.

1. Pay attention to the feelings that others express. Watch for both verbal and nonverbal clues. Try to understand the message behind the words and actions.

2. Place the feelings of other’s ahead of your own. Put aside your own needs and ideas long enough to listen to another’s point of view.

3. Communicate your understanding. Respond or give answers to the messages you receive to show you understand them.

4. Do not interrupt. Let speakers finish what they are saying before you talk.

5. Ask for more information. If you still don’t understand, ask more questions until you fully understand.
2005 c Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
bio = Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming The Anger Bee” at www.angercoach.com

Popularity: 5% [?]

Even as a child, James was described by teachers and his parents as a happy optimist. As the story goes, one day his parents decided to play a joke on him and test his attitude by requiring him to spend an afternoon cleaning deserted stables at what had been a local racetrack.

Returning after two hours, James’ parents observed him singing while happily shoveling manure. Astounded, they walked closer, only to hear him saying to himself over and over, “There has to be a pony in here somewhere.”

James did naturally what researchers are increasingly discovering: optimistic thinking skills are a powerful antidote to anger partly because the optimist has better resistance to depression when bad events strike, better performance at work, better physical health and better relationships. Who couldn’t admire and love a person with such a great attitude?

But what if you are not naturally optimistic? How can you become an optimist if you now insist on seeing the glass as half-empty instead of half-full?

The good news is that, according to psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, optimism is a learned mental skill. As a past president of the American Psychological Association, he has plenty of research to back up his theory.

There are four ways to argue with yourself:

At its core, optimism is a style of interpreting events that occur in your world - it is your personal theory or explanation of why both good things and bad things happen to you.

While everyone experiences both set-backs and victories in the normal course of life, optimists - in contrast to pessimists - have a very distinct style of explaining things to themselves.

Said another way, it is your belief about what happens to you that determines your reaction more than the event itself.

The knack of disputing your beliefs is a thought-skill, the mastery of which will morph you into the optimistic style of thinking. There are four ways to do this:

1.) Look at the evidence. According to Dr. Seligman, the most convincing way of disputing a negative belief is to show it is factually incorrect.

Most of the time you will have `reality’ on your side. Your role is that of a detective as you ask, “What is the evidence for my belief?”

For example, is it really true that you never succeed in anything? (Very doubtful. Everybody succeeds some of the time.) That you are the worse parent you know? (Can you remember any success you had as a parent?)

That you are an incurable glutton? (Can you sometimes resist food?) That you are incredibly selfish? (How many times have you been unselfish?)

Using this skill of looking at the evidence, you can defeat pessimism with more accurate perception and recall of what is really true.

2.) Consider alternative causes. Most events in the world have more than one cause. Pessimists latch onto the most insidious; optimists tend more to give themselves a break.

For example, a marital breakup usually has many causes which probably contributed to its downfall. You can blame yourself. You can blame your partner. A more optimistic interpretation is that neither partner failed as an individual; it was the relationship (the combination) that failed.

3.) Put events into perspective. If the facts are not on your side and you cannot honestly see other causes to a negative event, you will need to look at the implications of your beliefs to become an optimistic thinker.

Is the event really as catastrophic as you may be making it in your mind? (Hint: few things are). Usually, the implications or long-term effects of your misfortune aren’t as awful or devastating as you may be seeing them.

4.) Is your belief useful? Even though a belief may, in fact, be true, it may not be useful. Some beliefs cause more grief than they are worth. You may tell yourself you are a failure, for instance. This belief will likely cause you to stop trying.

Instead, substitute a more useful belief like “Just because I failed once doesn’t make me a failure.” Then behave accordingly with your new belief.

By learning to use optimism, you can manage anger and improve your health. These four steps will help you overcome your negative tendencies and have a more optimistic view of life.

2005 c Dr. Tony Fiore All rights reserved.
bio = Dr. Tony Fiore (www.angercoach.com) is a So. California licensed psychologist, and anger management trainer. His company, The Anger Coach, provides anger and stress management programs, training and products to individuals, couples, and the workplace. Sign up for his free monthly newsletter “Taming The Anger Bee” at www.angercoach.com

Popularity: 5% [?]

Would you like to be more creative?

Before you answer yes or no, think about what that word means to you.

If you associate creativity with artistic expression, and you happen to be a middle-manager in a corporation, you may think increased creativity is not really necessary to your life. But creativity is something far, far broader than artistic expression.

Your idea of a creative person might be someone who lives in a loft, painting gigantic canvases all day long. Or perhaps a writer at her computer, working on a long novel. Or a musician, actor, or singer performing on stage to an audience.

These are all people actively pursuing artistic expression and they can all rightly be said to be creative people, even if no one else enjoys their art.

But what about an entrepreneur who has an idea for a new product, who forms a company to produce and distribute it, eventually employing hundreds of people? Is this not creative?

What about a research scientist toiling in a lab, developing new compounds in an effort to cure disease? Is this creative?

What about a single mother who manages to come up with healthy delicious meals on a tiny budget? Isn’t that creativity?

To one person, creativity can mean gluing seashells to a picture frame. To another, creativity might mean solving a grand unified theory in physics. To someone else it might mean coming up with an ingenious new way to speed up a factory assembly line.

When we define creativity only in terms of artistic expression, we miss a lot of other potential applications for creative thinking.

Creativity can be exciting, fun, personally fulfilling, and even financially lucrative. It can also be frustrating, challenging and scary.

Can we improve our ability to be creative? Yes. In fact, learning to be more creative can be quite enjoyable and easy to do. There are many techniques that have been developed to improve creative and artistic ability, as well as to improve creative problem solving.

These include such techniques as image streaming, hypnosis, various forms of meditation, and brain storming.

What all creativity enhancement techniques have in common is they aim to bypass the inner judge or critic in our head.

Most of us have an inner voice that is running a constant commentary on everything we think and do.

This inner voice may barely be noticed most of the time, yet it has a great impact on what we can accomplish in our life. In many of us this voice is usually critical of our efforts, and no matter what we do it’s never good enough to please our inner critic.

As we attempt to come up with new ideas our inner voice may be saying, “This idea is stupid.” Or it might tell us, “I should never be mediocre or average, I must be brilliant and perfect all the time. If I can’t be totally brilliant and innovative right from the start, I am a failure and it’s better not to even try”.

Sometimes we may not be aware of an inner dialogue, but we may picture images of ourselves failing, or we may have sensations of fear and embarrassment that stop us from pursuing new ideas or new actions.

Why is it important to bypass or shut off our inner critic when we want to be creative?

In most of us, the inner critic is quite harsh and is never pleased with anything we do. None of our ideas are good enough. All our ideas are stupid and bound to fail.

What effect does this constant running dialogue in our heads have on us? Our inner critic is trying to make us perfect, but it usually has the opposite effect. If our inner judgmental dialogue is mostly negative, our creative abilities will suffer.

Instead of enabling us to come up with better ideas, it is far more likely that the negative inner dialogue will cause our ability to come up with new ideas to dry up completely. The creative part of us will feel inadequate and embarrassed and shut down.

Your inner critic isn’t being evil when it criticizes you, or when it tells you your ideas are not very good.

Your critic is actually trying to protect you from being ashamed or embarrassed by the potentially negative comments and reactions of other people to your ideas.

The problem is that the inner critical voice can become so automatic that it will criticize your ideas before you even formulate them. It just starts to spew forth its negative assessments before you have a chance to develop and realistically evaluate your ideas.

Eventually, under the constant barrage of inner criticism, your creative side may shut down in fear and discouragement. In some people this shut down of creativity can become permanent.

Even people who are very bright and very talented can suffer because of the messages from their internal critical voice, telling them that nothing they do or think is good enough.

The critical, judgmental, analytical function of the brain is not the part that knows how to generate creative ideas.

Furthermore, the brainwaves that you generate when you are being rational and analytical are quite different than the brainwaves that go with maximum creativity.

When you want to be creative, even if you have the most kindly inner critic in the world, you must tell your inner critic to go out for a walk.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to learn how to use your brain better download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 4% [?]

If you are a student, you probably know that reviewing the material you are studying more than once can help you remember it better.

But you may have wondered if there is an ideal way to schedule your reviews. Is it best to study large chunks of material at a time, or small bits? Should you review the material again the next day, or the next week?

Learning experts have proposed several different schedules for reviewing study materials, but the following is one that works well for most people. Try it to see if it works for you, or whether it is more effective to introduce minor changes to the review schedule.

First, study what you can thoroughly learn in a 40-minute period. During this time keep your mind actively engaged in the material by making notes, asking yourself questions about it, speaking out loud, and making learning maps.

Then take a five or ten minute break to do something completely different, preferably something which includes physical exercise and deep breathing.

After your ten-minute break, go back and review your original material and your written notes. Review for about five minutes. The next day review the material again for five minutes.

A week later review it for five minutes. A month later review it for five minutes.

If you need to remember the information longer, review it for five minutes after two months, and then again after six months.

This is a time-effective way to keep material within easy reach of your memory.

Each time you repeat the same physical action, or review the same study material, there are chemical changes that take place at the synapses between your brain cells, making it easier for the signal to go through the next time you repeat that thought or action.

That is why review and repetition help fix acquired skills and knowledge in your brain.

People who have sustained some brain damage due to advancing age, brain injury, or because of alcohol or drug use may no longer have the ability to easily refresh their knowledge by quickly reviewing material again.

These people may have to spend much more time and effort on reviewing material, and still have a lower rate of recall.

If you want to help preserve the ability of your brain to learn and remember, you will be more successful if you avoid these ubstances.

bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to learn how to use your brain better, you can download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 5% [?]

If you are a student, you have probably faced many times when you had to stay up all night before an important exam because you never got around to studying the material until it was too late.

Waiting until the last minute doesn’t work. How can you motivate yourself to start studying sooner?

When we are faced with a study project that seems exceptionally difficult and overwhelming, it can be to maintain a high level of interest and motivation for the duration of the learning process.

One way to improve both your motivation and your performance is by breaking up the project into smaller sections, and then giving yourself a series of well thought-out, well-timed rewards each time you complete one of the parts.

The first step is to break up the project into manageable chunks. If you have a deadline looming, use this information to decide how much of the project to tackle at one time.

Let’s say you have six weeks to master the content of a difficult biology text. Looking through the book you realize that if you study one chapter each night, you can get through the book in 28 days, leaving two weeks in which you can again review the material.

With this knowledge you can pace yourself. You know what your assignment is. You know how much you need to read every night. Concentrate on the immediate task at hand.

You don’t need to feel overwhelmed by the entire book at one time.

Next, work out a system of rewards for yourself. Give yourself a series of small rewards each time you master one chapter, and a larger reward for completing the entire book.

For rewards to work they must be immediate, and personally meaningful to you. There is no point in rewarding yourself with a new fishing rod if you hate fishing.

The reward should be proportionate to the effort you have put into the work. Buying a new car as a reward for finishing the textbook is probably too much. Getting a gold star is probably too little.

Take some time to think of rewards that will really inspire you. In general, you should avoid using rewards that involve food or money.

Rewards don’t need to be material objects if there is something else that would really motivate and inspire you. How about attending a special concert, or taking a special trip? You decide. Get creative and think of something that will spur you to take action.

It’s very important that the reward take place soon after the work has been accomplished. This creates a sense of positive reinforcement. Give yourself a small reward every time you finish a small part of the job, and a bigger reward when the project is completed.

If there is too long a gap between the activity and the reward, it will not have the effect of reinforcing the desired activity.

After all, you wouldn’t train a dog by giving him a treat two days after he learned to roll over! You might not like being compared to a dog, but as silly as it sounds, our brain also responds to simple, positive reinforcement.

Use this tendency of the brain to help yourself accomplish more of what you want.

If you don’t believe in the concept of rewarding yourself for work you should be doing anyway, you don’t need to do it. But feel free to experiment to see what works for you. This technique might be very helpful.

Besides motivating yourself with a series of external rewards, learn to motivate yourself internally. Tell yourself you’re a good learner. Tell yourself you enjoy learning.

Tell yourself you enjoy giving your brain a good work out. Congratulate yourself for your efforts. Tell yourself you love acquiring new knowledge. Be proud of yourself for the work you do to gain more knowledge.

Don’t just say the words to yourself. Take the time to actually feel the sensations of pride, happiness and accomplishment within you.

When you learn to create within yourself a love of learning, you’ll easily be motivated to study!
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to learn how to use your brain better download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 4% [?]

Why should you boost your word power?

The reason is that learning new words expands our understanding and improves our mental muscles. Every new word we learn entices our mind to stretch into new areas.

We improve our ability to think and express ourselves when we have a larger bank of words to draw on. Our thinking will become improve, and we will understand more of the world around us and within us, when we have a larger vocabulary. In the modern world the ability to use words effectively is often highly rewarded.

The English language has an enormous number of words, perhaps more than half a million of them.

Most people however, use a vocabulary of just a few thousand common words on a daily basis. It is possible to get by in the English language with a limited number of words, but you expand your options as you expand your vocabulary.

When you understand very few words it limits your ability to learn new information.

If you want to increase your vocabulary, there are many approaches you can use.

One good way is to read books or articles that are slightly more difficult than what you are accustomed to. When you come across a word you don’t know, see if you can figure out its meaning from the context.

Look at the way the word is made up, with its letters and syllables. Does it remind you of any words you already know? What parts of it are familiar?

Many words in the English language are made up of common roots they share with other words.

You may be able to deduce the meaning of the new word from the way the syllables are put together and the way it is used. You should consult a dictionary to be sure.

If you come across a word you don’t understand during the course of a lecture or a conversation, you can ask either the speaker or someone else for the meaning of the word.

If you decide not to ask anyone for the meaning of a word, be sure to make a note of the new words you have encountered and look them up later.

Should you try to learn new words directly from a dictionary? It depends on your learning style. Some people will become bored very quickly while reading a dictionary, while others will find it fascinating.

All dictionaries are not alike, and you may find a certain version far more useful than the rest.

Good dictionaries will do more than just give a definition of a word. Some will show you an example of the word used in a sentence.

Often they will show you alternate spellings, and give the plural forms of nouns and the past tense of verbs. Most dictionaries will show you correct pronunciation.

When learning new vocabulary, you can better integrate it into your brain if you actively involve yourself in the learning process.

When you encounter a new word, write out a definition of it in your own words, and write one or more sentences using the new word in context. Visualize the word in its printed form.

Say the word out loud, and spell it out loud. Say a sentence out loud that uses the new word. Make up an image in your mind that will help you remember the word. If you make the image funny or bizarre, you will probably remember it better.

If you are committed to expanding your vocabulary, how many new words should you try to learn in a day? It’s up to you.

Just two new words a day will add up to more than 7000 words in ten years. Ten words a day would add 36,000 words in ten years.

Once you have learned a lot of new words, should you work them into your conversation every chance you get?

The kind of vocabulary you use should always be appropriate to the context in which you are writing or speaking. For example, if you are speaking to a group of high school dropouts you may want to use different words than if you are speaking to a group of scientists.

Don’t use an impressive vocabulary merely as a means of showing off, always using big words when small ones would do. People can often intuitively feel when you are using fancy words merely for effect, and not because you need them to communicate.

But if your new vocabulary really has become a part of you and has a useful place in your writing and conversation, by all means, go ahead and use it!
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to boost your brain power, download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 4% [?]

Harvard professor Dr. Howard Gardner has been studying the topic of intelligence for many years.

Dr. Gardner has proposed that we revise and expand our idea of what constitutes intelligence. Gardner has suggested we consider at least seven forms of intelligence.

These are: verbal-linguistic, logical-mathematical, visual-spatial, musical, bodily-kinesthetic, social-interpersonal, and intra-personal. See if you can discover which forms of intelligence are strongest in you.

People who have a strong linguistic intelligence will respond in a deep way to the construction and sound of language, and they get a lot of pleasure out of using words.

Writers, poets, and editors excel in this form of intelligence.

People who have logical-mathematical intelligence can become successful lawyers, mathematicians, computer programmers, and scientists.

These people are able to logically analyze data and information and follow extremely complex chains of ideas.

Among those who are possessed of a very strong visual-spatial intelligence, some will have a glorious, passionate understanding of color. Others will very strongly respond to visual line, texture, or three-dimensional space.

Artists, decorators, fashion designers, sculptors, photographers and architects must possess this form of intelligence to succeed in their fields.

Musical intelligence is an ability to understand and respond to music, not just as background noise, but with a capacity to get deep meaning from the interaction of aural melodies, textures and rhythms.

A person with musical intelligence may not necessarily play or compose music, but will be a passionate listener, getting far more out of the experience than an average person.

Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence is very high in those people who excel in sports and dance. It is also a great asset in actors.

They are extremely attuned to where all parts of their body are located in space and are able to exert very subtle yet powerful control over all their muscles.

People with a high degree of interpersonal intelligence are good at picking up cues to the emotions of others and understanding the emotional states of those around them.

They are particularly good at empathizing with others, and know how to comfort, inspire and lead people. This is a good trait to have in a political leader. It is also a desirable quality in teachers, therapists and salespeople.

Intra-personal intelligence is the ability to deeply and truly know and understand oneself. It is the ability to analyze and assess one’s innermost qualities and behaviors.

This is a form of intelligence that may be found in philosophers and spiritual leaders.

These are seven basic qualities or abilities that may rightfully be considered as forms of intelligence. Each involves a particular way of using the brain.

Each of these can be highly developed in certain individuals and can be an important component of a person’s success in life and career.

This expanded definition of intelligence can help explain why so many people who did poorly in school still end up very successful in life.

Which sort of intelligence is strongest in you?

When you consider Dr. Gardner’s expanded definition of intelligence, which forms do you think are especially strong in you? Which do you think are particularly weak?

When you went to school, did your educational experience address your intelligence strengths? Or did it target the areas in which you were weakest? Does your present career make good use of your strongest form of intelligence?

You will have the best chance of success in your career when you job uses the form of intelligence which is your strongest.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to learn how to use your brain better download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 4% [?]

What does it really mean to be intelligent? Can intelligence really be measured?

One tool that is often used in an effort to measure intelligence is the IQ test. However, this type of test does not do very well at predicting who will be successful in life.

Why is this? Do the IQ tests miss something important?

The IQ tests we have now may predict which people have a certain type of intellectual potential, but they don’t necessarily predict who will become a good teacher, a good manager, a good president, or a good parent.

Some critics say that the only thing IQ tests can really predict is who will do well on IQ tests.

Qualities such as determination and vision can be more important to your ultimate success in life than the IQ number you started out with.

Being creative, optimistic, and flexible are important hallmarks of many successful people. Common sense, the ability to get along with other people, and knowing a good idea when you see one, may be more useful qualities than having a genius IQ.

Although IQ tests measure a certain aspect of intelligence potential, there isn’t complete agreement that what is being measured is actually intelligence.

Standard intelligence tests focus a lot on exploring and measuring linguistic/logical/mathematical ability. But is that really the same quality as intelligence? Or is intelligence something broader than that?

We have all met people who have a lot of “book smarts” but seem to have no “life smarts.” Should we really be saying that they are intelligent?

Some people who did poorly in school often turn out to be very successful in later life. Why do our current IQ tests seem unable to predict or explain these outcomes?

A person may have failed dismally in school, and yet turn out to be a genius in marketing. Is this person stupid, or brilliant? If a man is a great scientist, but can’t ever pick a suitable mate, is he really very smart? We don’t have any tests that really explain these outcomes.

Several experts in the field of intelligence have proposed that we need to broaden our understanding of what intelligence really is, and the role it plays in successful living.

Psychologist Howard Gardner of Harvard University has suggested that we should consider a wide range of talents and abilities as valid forms of intelligence.

In his intriguing book, “Frames of Mind: Theories of Multiple Intelligences”, Gardner has proposed the existence of at least seven types of intelligence: verbal-linguistic, logical-mathematical, visual-spatial, musical, bodily-kinesthetic, social-interpersonal and intra-personal.

Another psychologist, Robert Sternberg, has suggested we consider three distinct forms of intelligence. One type is the ability to think logically and rationally, doing well in an academic type of environment.

A second kind of intelligence identified by Sternberg is the ability to come up with creative solutions to real life situations. And the third type, according to Sternberg, is the ability to psychologically understand people and interact effectively with them.

A very different perspective on the IQ issue is presented by Daniel Goleman in his best-selling book, “Emotional Intelligence”. Goleman offers an explanation for why a high IQ does not always lead to success in career or in life.

Goleman says that EQ, or emotional intelligence, has been an overlooked factor that is an extremely important ingredient for success in life.

An ability to get along with others, to be optimistic, to be determined, are among the many factors that contribute to success, perhaps even more than intellectual ability.

Are you starting to realize that intelligence is not just a question of one test score number that forever limits your possibilities?

If you happen to know your own IQ score, don’t think of it as something that limits or defines your potential.

If your IQ is in the average range it does not in any way mean you are limited to a life of average success and average accomplishment.

If your IQ is in the above average range, it does not guarantee you a life of ease. You can’t use either a high IQ score or a low one as an excuse not to try very hard.

Your IQ score is only a number. It does not define you. It does not really limit you. It’s just a starting point. Remember that many other qualities you already possess or can develop are also important for success in life.
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to boost your brain power, download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 3% [?]

You have probably heard the term “IQ” many times, and you probably know it has something to do with measuring intelligence.

The letters “IQ” stand for “intelligence quotient”, and an IQ test is widely used as a way to measure intelligence.

The test most frequently used today to measure intelligence is called the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Test. The earliest version of it was developed in France in 1905.

The original test has been revised several times over the years, with a major revision completed at Stanford University in 1960. The Stanford-Binet test is not the only intelligence test, but it is probably the best known.

IQ tests are often used by educational institutions to segregate students into categories such as “normal”, “gifted”, and “challenged”. Children and young people are scored relative to each other on a variety of factors, including verbal and logical understanding, vocabulary, arithmetic and spatial orientation.

A person with an IQ score of 100 is deemed to be of average intelligence, while a person with an IQ above 130 is deemed to be intellectually gifted.

Do you know your own IQ? Do you know what it means?

Although the IQ test is very widely used, and the results are almost synonymous with our idea of intelligence, there has also been a lot of criticism of the test, and of the way the results are used.

Does having a high IQ score guarantee success in later life? No, it doesn’t! It doesn’t even guarantee success in school.

A Canadian television program recently tracked down some of the people with the highest IQ scores in North America. One man who has an extremely high genius IQ works as a motorcycle mechanic, hangs out with biker gangs, and is frequently in and out of jail.

Another man interviewed on the program has the highest IQ recorded in North America. He has worked as a bouncer in a bar for ten years, earns minimum wage, and lives in a tiny garage. Clearly, a high IQ is not enough to guarantee success in life.

What IQ tests measure is a certain type of potential. That potential still needs to be developed and nurtured by the person who has it. That person may not have the inclination or desire to do so.

Not everyone who has a potential talent also possesses the desire to do something with it.

One person may have a wonderful God-given singing voice, but may have no interest in music, and no desire to perform.

Another person may have the perfect physique to be a high jumper, but may hate sports. You can probably think of other examples. Having potential is just a beginning.

The IQ tests we have now may predict which people have a certain type of intellectual potential, but they don’t necessarily predict who will become a good teacher, a good manager, a good president, or a good parent.

Some critics say that the only thing IQ tests can really predict is who will do well on IQ tests.

Qualities such as determination and vision can be more important to your ultimate success in life than the IQ number you started out with.

Being creative, optimistic, and flexible are important hallmarks of many successful people. Common sense, the ability to get along with other people, and knowing a good idea when you see one, may be more useful qualities than having a genius IQ.

So whatever your IQ may be, don’t let it hold you back!
bio = This article is taken from the new book by Royane Real titled “How You Can Be Smarter - Use Your Brain to Learn Faster, Remember Better, and Be More Creative” If you want to boost your brain power, download it today or get the paperback version at http://www.lulu.com/real

Popularity: 4% [?]

Tips To Ease Tension

We all know what it feels like to get emotionally mangled by the weight of day to day struggles. Our bosses yell at us, our spouses yell at us - it feels like an endless circle where getting ahead at the office can leave us with so little energy for home that home turns into battlefield that leaves us with no energy for work.

Is mere survival all you can ask of a hassle-filled world ? No. Stress, in fact is not only something you can beat, but a force you can turn into an advantage. You don’t have to run from it, and you don’t need any special stress management. The following tested tips show you how to combat stress - and win.

Work On Your Attitude.

The most important point you can make about stress is that in most cases it’s not what’s out there that’s the problem, its how you react to it. Changing the way you think can change a life of stress and discomfort to a life of challenge and excitement.

Think About Something Else.

Distract yourself - to break the thoughts that are producing your stress, you must think about something else. Anything will do, as long as it breaks the chain of bad thoughts.

Think Positive.

Thinking about a success or a past achievement is excellent when you’re feeling uncertain, remind yourself of all the good things you’ve achieved in the past, and tell yourself that you’re going to do the same in the future.

Take A Mental Vacation

Imagine yourself lying in warm sand on a beach in the Bahamas, a cool wind blowing off the ocean, the surf rolling in quietly in the background. It’s amazing what this can do to help you relax.

Take Deap Breaths

Belly breathing is what some people call it. It’s an old and useful trick for defeating anxiety and nervousness.
The basic idea is act calm, be calm. When your experiencing stress, your pulse races and you start breathing very quickly. Forcing yourself to breathe slowly convinces the body that the stress has gone, whether it has or not.
The correct way to breathe is abdominally - feeling the stomach expand as you inhale, and collapse as you exhale.

Stretch

A lot of us respond to stress with muscle tension. Ideally, we’d prefer to eliminate the cause of the stress, but stretching the muscles at least reduces the sensation of stress - the muscles relax, and we feel less tense.

Take A Hot Soak

Hot water works by defeating the stress response. When we’re tense and anxious, blood flow to our extremities is reduced. Hot water restores circulation, convincing the body it’s safe and that it’s ok to relax. Cols water must not be used because it has the opposite effect, and will increase tension.
An office alternative might be running hot water over your hands until you feel the tension starting to drain away.

Excercise.

Regular exercise will burn off some of the stress chemicals tension produces, and exercise will tire your musles - a tired muscle is a relaxed muscle.

Listen To Music

Music soothes as perhaps nothing else does. You can use it in two basic ways - to relax or to inspire. New - Age music is very relaxing.

Thanks for reading my article. John Moore
bio = This article was born out of my own problems with stress. I trust you’ll find it helpful. You may use this article providing you include my link http://www.information-city-online.com

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This article is a sequel to The Vibrational Universe. I have been coming to the shocking realization that we live in a perfect universe. By this I mean, the Law of Attraction manages all vibration so that we receive always in our experience a match to our activated energy patterns.

If this is true, then there is no injustice. It means the universe does not discriminate against anyone.
It means that the contrast we see around us is perfect, divinely perfect.

It means that although we see our fellow human beings starving, suffering, and dying all over the world, each must be resonating precisely to what he or she is receiving. This conclusion is shocking to me, as one only has to take a look around this world to see apparent examples of injustice and unfairness everywhere. But from the standpoint of universal law, the struggles and pain of our fellow human beings are simply the choices they have made.

This is a lot to digest, but we must remember that our fellow human beings are in fact powerful creator beings, always connected to Source energy. We must allow them the sovereignty to create in their own experience, just as we expect them to do for us, even though it can be painful to watch as they struggle!

I struggled for a long time with the idea that the universe is perfect before it made sense to me.

I always hated to hear new-agers and teachers say “Everything is in perfect balance.” I would scream at them, “If the world is so perfect, take a look around!”

But after observing people for a while, I realized that every individual IS experiencing a world of balance. I began to ask myself “How can I and a murderer, or an embezzler live on the same crazy planet, yet experience so differently”? It slowly began to dawn on me that the universe was responding to all of my ideas and beliefs about life, almost in a personal way.

For example, one of my teachers lived in a so-called ‘run-down’ area of town, yet her life was one of constant joy. I lived in a beautiful house in the country and was miserable most of the time. I began to realize that the world must be in balance only for those who are balanced!

We see around us contrast and diversity, sometimes horrible contrast. But from this contrast, we derive a benefit: it becomes easier to decide what we don’t want. From knowing what we don’t want, we can then decide what we do want. We then have a desire, and it is this desire that focuses life energy through us, makes us feel more alive.

The system works so that what you focus on, you get. Sometimes, by our fear or anxiety, we paint ourselves into a corner. We are faced with a very unpleasant situation in which we have to act quickly, or suffer dire consequences. These crisis situations force us to look at the unpleasant situation and decide whether what is hitting us in the face is what we really want!

The system is designed so that the worse off we are, the more we have to look at how we want to change.

So no matter how bad it gets, we always have the opportunity to change our focus and get a new gig! The worse off we are, the more intensely our experience steels our resolve: “I’m NEVER going to do that again” is something we often hear from people who have extricated themselves from a tight spot. Such decisions can be life changing, because the contrasting experience forces us to find our balance.
So contrast is a good thing, and the more contrast there is, the more focused we become, and the more alive we feel.

If the environment were always beautiful and pleasing, if everyone behaved just as we would want them to, after a time life would be boring. Oh, it would be fun for a while, but it would soon wear off! It is the incredible diversity and difference we see out in the world that keeps us on our toes, keeps life force energy flowing through us.

Having said that, I want to get back to what I said previously about there being no injustice.

Many who observe the current reality believe that a world of harmony and peace is vital to the very survival of our planet, for they see things like pollution, poverty and war and feel it must inevitably affect them and everyone else in the world. “If it happened to them, it can happen to me,” is what is often heard. We are told the world is a terrible place, on the brink of disaster, and that to ignore the suffering of others is cruel and selfish.

But this viewpoint ignores universal law. Those who believe the world is in sad shape are probably experiencing it through their focus upon it, thus fortifying their belief that it is so. But consider: the vast number of complex systems which exist to support life on earth function smoothly, never failing. There is an overwhelming abundance of well-being on this planet, otherwise life could not exist. Take a walk outside, smell the fresh air, look at the trees, the clouds, the flowers and the grass, listen to the birds, see your fellow humans at work and at play, and observe that all is well. If you do not perceive well-being when you go out for your walk, but instead see many negative things, consider changing your vibration to one of well-being and watch how your life changes for the better!

The retort to this assertion is that one “ignores reality” by assuming a state of well-being for ones self, and assuming all is well for others. It is always pointed out that (among other things) pollution is killing the planet, and that many of our fellow humans in other countries are living lives of desperation. Indeed, this is the commonly perceived reality. But in order to create a world of well-being, it is necessary to vibrate at a state of well- being! Well- being cannot be created from a viewpoint, or a feeling place, that assumes the world is in imminent danger.

Lets expand on this notion of the desire for harmony. Desiring harmony is asking for less contrast. It is asking for similarity of thought. If everyone on the planet exists in perfect harmony, then everyone will likely think and act along similar lines. I don’t know about you, but for me this would be pretty boring! I am not saying it would be better to have everyone go out and kill each other (but if it happened, we simply return wholly to our divine, non-physical consciousness). What I am saying is that we need to allow the sovereignty and divinity of each One on the planet. We must allow each One to create as they wish, as they allow us to create as we wish, knowing that the Law of Vibration and the Law of Attraction will sort it all out. Nothing ever happens by mistake! The Law of Attraction sees to it that each and every event, situation and person in your life is an exact vibrational match to your vibration at the time you receive the experience. It is perfect, never-failing. It is woven into the very fabric of this universe. So there can be no unfairness, or injustice. There is only a vibrational matching which is supported by the underlying physics of the universe.

Because we are the vibrational creators of our experience, there is no reason that any of us have to experience anything we do not want! Nor is there any reason that the travails of others need have any effect on us. We observe the creations of others and we think that somehow, we MUST be affected by them, because we are all connected, and because we are all living in the same world. But this is not so:

Only if we give our attention to the things we are observing that we don’t like, will we begin to attract it into our own experience. That which we do not resonate to, we cannot match up with!
Moreover, there is no negative force in the universe from which we must protect ourselves! A ‘negative force’ is simply that which we have our attention on, that is not wanted.
People are often fixated on the importance of observation, and have not realized that it is possible to directly control one’s own vibration, irrespective of what is observed.
Each one of us is bathed in an ocean of radio and microwave signals. Just because we have 50 TV channels to choose from does not mean we have to watch all 50 at once! By tuning in to channel 7 we automatically tune out all of the others. And so it is with vibrational tuning and matching. If you are in an undesirable place, simply tune out those thoughts and feelings and tune in to a happier reality of your own design.

I can hear the howls of protest now! “If the river where your city draws water gets polluted, you damn well are going to be affected by the creations of others! And if you go to a better place, what about those who are trapped there?” The answer is that if you are a vibrational match to a polluted river, you will attract a company that dumps toxins in it. But there is no reason for that! If people in the area are a vibrational match to clean water, the river will be clean. That’s just the way it works. The law of ‘like attracts like’ is always operating to deliver to you a life experience which is a match to your thoughts and feelings. And so for each and every person on the planet.

The idea that simply by changing thought, one can change one’s experience is the hardest idea for people to understand. A thought seems so insubstantial! Action is what most people prefer. Facts on the ground. Tangible evidence. This is what human beings understand.

We tend to forget that all of the tangible evidence in existence has come from prior thought and visualization.

Only by applying the idea of ‘like attracts like’ to one’s life can you understand how truly powerful it is. These essays are about the universal laws which are woven into the physics of this universe. By changing your thoughts and feelings about a small area of life to begin with, and then moving on to things bigger and more important, you can prove to yourself that this is a universe based upon attraction, and upon thought. The message in these essays has been known, spoken and written for millennia. It is not new. It just goes so much against the grain of our Western society that we have forgotten it!

As non-physical beings, we are pure, divine energy in perfect balance and harmony.

Then why would anyone want to incarnate into this place of often terrible contrast? Because, it is the contrast and diversity we see around us which affords us the possibility of the intense, poignant physical experience which is unavailable to non-physical beings of pure, divinely balanced energy. What I am saying is that every one of us came to earth not to make it a place where everyone thinks and feels the same way! We didn’t come here to exist in perfect bliss, we came for the diversity of experience! We already exist in perfect bliss in our non-physical state. That is not to say that disease and death and pain and suffering is the optimum condition for life on this planet. But there is nothing wrong with it! We are immortal beings, and when we withdraw our focus from these physical bodies we will again return to our non-physical condition of divine perfect balance. All beings are independent creators, vibrating and attracting unto themselves, each existing in a universe of their own creation.

It is not possible to create in the experience of another.

No matter how many wish for a world of complete harmony, each being on this planet has the choice to create what he or she wishes, and each One will do so, and is doing so. And indeed complete harmony amongst beings is not necessary for you or anyone else to live in joy and abundance, this is guaranteed by universal law. All of us are empowered to create our own worlds, and it is not necessary to save another from him or herself. The world is rampant with well-being, it is only for us to become vibrationally aware of it, draw it into our experience, and to allow each of our fellow co-creators to experience what they wish for themselves. It would be the height of arrogance for anyone to assume creation for another, because of a judgement that another is not choosing properly.

Certainly there is nothing wrong with wanting to create a world of harmony and peace! But for many this desire comes from a feeling that there is something terribly wrong, from a viewpoint that if nothing is done, very bad things will happen to every one of us. From this vibration, however, all that is attracted is more of the same. And so we get more of that very thing we are trying to change!
I am here to tell you that only by becoming a vibrational match to negativity will you attract it into your life. No matter how “bad” it gets out there, if only each One will remain focused on what is wanted for him or herself, that which is wanted will become your experience.
When looked at in this light, it is possible to view even the darkest of situations with peace and serenity, knowing that all is well, knowing that what we see around us is simply the universe delivering to each One, what that person is focusing on. Imagine a world where each and every person in it is receiving exactly what that person is focusing on, and you have an accurate picture of the situation on planet earth. The Law of Attraction never makes a mistake. It is constantly analyzing and matching vibration for each and every being on earth. With this knowledge, we are empowered. We can deliberately offer vibration and be sure that the universe will deliver us an exact match to it. If we do not like what we receive, we can modify our thoughts and feelings until we get what we want.

We can look around us and see the divine plan unfolding in its incredible diversity, and know that if someone is experiencing pain, it is because they have created it vibrationally for themselves, and so throw off the mantle of guilt that often makes us think we must experience negatively as well. When we approach life with this perspective, we experience joy in everything we do. We set an example for others. They will come to us, seeing our stability and serenity, and we can show them what powerful creator beings they are, and so empower them to change their lives to a more positive aspect, if they so desire.

The point of this essay is that the universe is perfect just the way it is. It is always, has always been, and will always be, perfectly balanced, because that is the way the universe has been designed. All consciousness on this planet comes from the same Source, we as physical beings are points of awareness of a universal consciousness. All is well, the universe is in loving hands. An understanding of vibrational attraction gives each one of us the power to create our own lives exactly as we wish!

For more articles written by Ken please visit www.thevibrationaluniverse.com

bio = Kenneth Maclean is the author of The Vibrational Universe and Dialogues - Conversations With My Higher Self.
To read more please visit www.thevibrationaluniverse.com

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Are you facing a tough time in your life right now? Do you feel lonely and isolated, and like nobody understands your problem?

When you are facing a particularly difficult time in your life, whether it’s because you’re struggling with an addiction, or perhaps because someone you love is an addict, or if you are finding life hard because you have just been diagnosed with a serious illness, or if you don’t have many friends to turn to because you are socially isolated, there is an easy way that you can quickly fill your life with kind and caring people who will help you on your journey.

Many people have found that a good way to incorporate caring new friends into their lives is to join a support group.

What is a support group? It can be a formal or informal group of people who get together on a regular basis to share certain aspects of their lives with others and to offer each other emotional support.

Sometimes these are called self help groups.

Perhaps the most famous of the support groups that exist today is Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). This organization started in about 1935 in Akron, Ohio, when two alcoholics found that talking to each other about their drinking and following a simple program helped keep them both sober.

Since that beginning, the A.A. organization has spread throughout the world and millions of alcoholics have learned to stay sober by helping each other.

The A.A. model has been adopted by people dealing with addiction problems other than alcohol, so today there are support groups that deal with addictions to narcotics, cocaine, food, and many other substances and activities.

In addition, there are support groups that use the A.A. model to help the partners or children of addicts. Being the spouse or child of an alcoholic or addict brings with it certain painful problems that are often best understood by other people who have lived a similar experience.

Support groups that use the A.A. framework are often called “12 Step Groups”. That is because these groups base their founding principles and traditions on the 12 steps which were proposed by the initial founders of the first Alcoholics Anonymous groups.

One of the key principles of the support groups using the A.A. model is the tradition of secrecy. People who attend these meetings use only their first names. They do not publicly advertise their participation in 12 Step groups. Everything said at these meetings is meant to be kept strictly confidential by those who attend.

It is because of this tradition of secrecy that those who attend the meetings can feel free to discuss extremely personal matters.

Not only have 12 Step groups enabled millions of people to overcome their addictions, reclaim their lives and gain peace of mind, they also foster close friendships and emotional intimacy for many of those who attend.

Not all support groups are fashioned on the 12 Step A.A. model. Many support groups today exist to help people battle specific diseases. For example, there are support groups for people who have been diagnosed with breast cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and many less common illnesses. Some support groups also raise money and awareness to